By Syed Zafar

Culture shows up in surprising places. One of the most powerful differences is not in food, clothing, or language, but in how we treat time. What feels natural in one culture can feel frustrating in another, especially in family life.

The Story

Over 25 years ago, I visited my uncle in Toronto with my American wife and our two young children. Since my relatives had lived in Canada for decades, my wife assumed there would be no culture shock. She was wrong.

What frustrated her most was not language or food, but dinner. She was used to feeding the kids at six and having them in bed by eight. In Toronto, dinner often wasn’t served until ten. As a guest, she couldn’t change the schedule, and the children’s disrupted routine left her exhausted.

To her, it felt chaotic. To my relatives, it was completely normal. And here’s the lesson: just because a Pakistani family had lived in Canada for 20 years, it didn’t mean they had adopted Canadian customs. Nor did they feel a need to adjust for an American guest. Adaptation is not automatic — and it is dangerous to assume it will be.

The Bigger Picture

In the United States, many parents start moving babies onto predictable routines early. Independent sleep is encouraged, and feeding often happens on a clock. In Pakistan and many collectivist cultures, babies usually sleep beside the mother and are fed whenever they cry. The family’s rhythm sets the timing, not the clock.

Those early patterns shape what comes later. In the U.S., children grow up with structured routines: early bedtimes, mealtimes at set hours, and a sense that predictability equals good parenting. In many collectivist cultures, the household sets the pace and children adapt. Flexibility and togetherness matter more than consistency.

I saw this again in Pakistan. My niece’s young daughter woke up crying for candy at midnight. Instead of asking her to wait until morning, the father took her by the hand and walked 15 minutes to a grocery shop still open. He bought her candy and a toy, then walked her home. For Americans, shocking. For him, perfectly normal.

The Lesson

These stories show that time is cultural. What Americans see as structure, others may see as rigidity. What collectivist families see as responsiveness, Americans may see as chaos. Neither is right or wrong, they simply reflect different values. And they remind us not to assume that years in a new country erase old cultural habits. Some families adapt quickly, others slowly, some not at all.

Conclusion

The next time you feel frustrated by someone else’s “lateness” or puzzled by a routine, pause. Ask what value it reflects: family, harmony, flexibility, independence. Time is not just the ticking of a clock — it’s a mirror of what each culture treasures most. Is dinner at ten p.m. wrong, or is it just cultural?

Syed Zafar is dedicated to improving intercultural communication. Born in Pakistan, Syed later worked in Saudi Arabia before immigrating to the United States where he began to see how his experiences integrating into different cultures could benefit his new home of Houston, Texas. Syed is a passionate advocate for equality, clear communication, and education. As a trainer, presenter, published writer, and speaker, Syed has worked to improve intercultural communication for more than 25 years. He is the co-author of, "Crossing Cultures with Grace and Humor" published in 2021.